Maya's Season 5 Recap

00:05 - Maya (Host)
Hey guys, welcome back to the Surviving Siblings podcast and welcome to the season finale and recap of season five. I cannot believe we are in season five. I cannot believe the recap is finally here. For those of you who have been following the entire journey, you know that I do a recap at the end of every single season. Season one was my journey and seasons two, three, four and now five are your stories, and so at the end of every single season, I like to do kind of a recap of the season and talk a little bit about the episodes and kind of the structure behind it and my thought process behind picking the guests that we've had and my thoughts behind each episode, just very briefly. But the recap is also to tell you where I am in my grief journey, because you've been following me since season one, which it's crazy. 

01:18
It's only been two years that I've been doing the show, but I've been on this grief journey for over seven years and when I say seven years, it feels like a long time and it feels like a short time simultaneously. I have had a lot happen in 2024 and in 2023. And I am excited to do this recap because I have so much to get into. So much happened in 2023 and so much has happened in 2024, personally to me, but also in the sibling loss community and the things that we've been doing here on the podcast and also just for surviving siblings and more to come. So let's dive into the recap and talk about what's going on here on the surviving siblings podcast. So let's talk about the season. Let's talk about what's going on here. So a lot of really interesting things happened as I crafted this season for you guys. I've got kind of the season in front of me and the recap I want to talk about. So, as you guys came to me with your different stories, we've had the most people ever apply to be on the show. We had over 200 people apply to be on the show, which is just crazy, guys. This is crazy and I have such mixed emotions about it because I just love that we're reaching so many people, but I am also so heartbroken that there's so many of us out there that need this kind of support. 

03:07
But I knew that and I got a taste of that when I first put the show out there. And to kind of go back to me putting the show out there in season one, I did this because and most of you know if you've listened all the way back to season one I did this because I just really wanted my brother's story to finally be told. I wanted to be able to finally tell, like, what actually happened to him. I wanted his voice to be heard, because he can no longer speak, obviously, and you know, the bonus was my voice to be heard and to feel like all of your voices could be heard. And then now, obviously, I am able to give all of you a platform to be able to have your voices to be heard. I didn't know that I would be doing that, so I just want to take a moment to thank all of you for trusting me with your stories and trusting me with this platform to tell your stories, because I feel so honored honored in that, as we continue to evolve the show and evolve the platform and just different ways to support you. So I think that's pretty cool, but it is bittersweet as the show grows and also the resources for the show grows, because I realize there's just so many of us out there as I spend time on different social media platforms like TikTok, instagram, all of these places that I meet all of you different conferences, like our own summit that we had, which, of course, I'm going to talk about more as I continue the recap, but let's talk about the season. 

04:47
So we kicked off this season with an incredible episode. I've never talked about this kind of loss before. We had Katie, who shared about her brother Patrick, who he was a firefighter and was lost in a fire, and I thought this was such an incredible story. I've never shared a story like this before and I really was just so gravitated towards Katie because I know what it's like to have a brother who is just so passionate about life and what they're doing, and I really understood that about about Patrick and, um, so, kicking off the season with him and his story, I think, was it just made sense? It made sense. And Katie, I love what she's doing with the nonprofit that she's working with as well. I think that was also a great, a great resource for all of you. So, if you have not checked out Gloves for Grief, I really identified a lot with that as well, just because a lot of you know that I had a lot of anger in my grief journey and so finding out that their whole mission is to punch out your pain and I love everything that they're doing. So I want to give a shout out to them for supporting the show and sponsoring our mission. So great episode really connected with her and that's why I connected with her. And our next episode was with Stacey and Stacey's episode with her sister, katie. 

06:30
Again, we had a lot of really interwoven themes here and we'd never done an episode about domestic violence. And as I'm continuing to evolve the show and evolve themes, I'm wanting to tackle and take on different types of losses. I get approached a lot from people that want to like talk about different types of loss and I'm all about it and very passionate about it, but we're not going to talk about anything other than sibling loss. This show is about sibling loss. That's the mission, that's what we're going to talk about. If you are someone who has lost other people in your life, as you've witnessed on the show, we're going to talk about that too. But it's about sibling loss and that's going to be preserved. 

07:21
But we had never really talked about domestic violence and I was really looking for the right story and stacy really brought a deep, deep, difficult story to the show with her sister, who was also named katie, um, and it's. It's a difficult story but it's one that needs to be told and her and I connect a lot as well being older sisters and being in the older sister where you take on a lot of responsibility in the family. There's a lot of you out there that can connect with that. And domestic violence is such a difficult topic. We could do another episode on it and another and another and I hope to do more on it to bring more awareness to it. But and we had the Peace Initiative come on board and sponsor this season to bring awareness to domestic violence If you're interested in learning more about that, make sure you check them out on our website because they're doing some really incredible things to bring awareness to domestic violence but also to support those who need help in those situations. But this was an incredible episode because Stacey just talks so openly about domestic violence, but also gun violence, like I've gone through through, and the sister relationships and bonds. So, um, I think a theme this season, an overall theme, is also that we are exploring a lot of topics we have not explored before. Um, just like our next episode with lang. 

09:01
Lang lost her sister to essentially sleep apnea and this is something that she explored in her own life and then she decided to express it through her own poetry, which was so cool and unique as well, and I really loved that and I connect with her because I have a degree in English, and so I hope that you guys took a look at her book and explored that. I thought that was really cool and I connect with the poetry as well, and Lang's just cool, so I really enjoyed that. One of the things I really took away from her episode if you haven't listened to it yet, I got to make sure you check it out but she has this phrase and Lang I hope I'm getting it right but this whole phrase that she took away from her loss, which is the talk it, walk it, write it and that's how you kind of process grief and I really really connected with that and I really loved that and so I hope you guys can connect with that as well. But the talking it, walking it, writing it is a way to process your grief. I just really, really loved that, really loved that. It was powerful. I like need a moment to pause on that because it was just. It was really amazing in talking about her sister and the processing of her grief. And then she comes out with this, with this beautiful book of poetry which I think a lot of us want to read a lot of books after we come out of, you know, come out of the shock, or even when we're in the shock of losing our sibling but what's great about laying and writing this poetry is, like I know, after losing my brother, I'm a reader and I really couldn't read anything. I really couldn't process at that level. And this is digestible, like just reading these excerpts from her poetry book. Sometimes we need just something that's a little digestible and readable and I think that's what's beautiful about it. It's a really beautiful story. 

11:05
Then we went on to Sarah's story with her sister, and Sarah's story we're talking about another topic that we've talked about before but we're now tackling at a different angle. We're talking about addiction. She lost her sister to addiction in a sense, but she had a battle with it and then it was a relapse, but there's a lot of questions behind it. But Sarah and her sister were both adopted. So there's this element of adoption. We've not really talked about adoption on the show before, so I thought that was a cool thing to talk about, because I'm very passionate about adoption and exploring adoption and understanding more about that, and so, personally, I just really loved this story and I find Sarah just to be such an eloquent speaker and there's a lot of questions behind the story too, and what really happened there, because her sister seemed to be doing so well, and I really encourage you to go listen to that episode, especially if you had a sibling that battled addiction and and or if you were someone who are, or someone who has been adopted or had a family member that was adopted, because I just love the way that she talks about it. 

12:29
Um, it's a beautiful, beautiful story, and I know I talk about this like it's. I always say my episodes are like children, like, how do you pick your favorite? Um, we, you know I really spend a lot of time each season going through and crafting it and making sure that we have the right episodes for each season and a variety of different things, because I want each of you to feel like you can connect with some part of each episode, and that was a powerful one too. Our next episode was by Linda Falasco, and Linda came on to sponsor as well this season, and I was some of you who came to the summit as well, which again we're gonna talk more about the summit, on this episode too and how the summit came to be. But linda, her episode is called mending piece by piece and her episode is called many piece, piece by Piece, and her episode is called Mending Piece by Piece because that's her brand as well. 

13:29
She is a therapist, she's an author, she has two actual working kind of books. They're journals, they're great. You can find them on my website through the duration of the season and then you can find them on Amazon, but they're wonderful. One is generalized grief and I would venture to say if you're a sibling, you would find the most out of that one. But the other one is more suicide focused and again, I would also venture to say if you're a sibling, you'll find the most out of it. But I do think anyone grieving can find so much value out of either one. Um, obviously, if you're you've lost someone by suicide, you're going to find the most out of the suicide one and then the other. You know it's generalized, but um, linda was our multi-loss. Um, this season I I try to have at least one multi-loss on every season if it works out that way. But she lost two brothers two different ways and she won by suicide, won by addiction, and it's so again another powerful episode and she shared at the summit as well, and I think she's another great example of what she's done with her grief and what she has done through the grief and she's also. 

14:54
This comes up a lot on my lives or in our. You know, if you guys are not a part of this, I encourage you. Just click in the show notes. You can join our private Facebook group for additional support. We also have a monthly Patreon support group, things like that. 

15:09
But I bring that up to say I hear this a lot. People will say I'm the only sibling left. That's a common, common thing. I'm not the only sibling left, but I hear this a lot in groups. Linda really covered that this season for us and I've had a few people cover that each season and Linda really covered that this season. She covered that at the summit and we had some other folks do that as well and she has that experience with two different losses and when you experience that, it's a lonely road. I think we're all on a lonely road, but we have different experiences and I think it's important. 

15:58
I talk about this a lot because I'll take a kind of a pause here to explain this because sibling loss is lonely in general, because it's not talked about enough. It's just not. It's not talked about enough. So sibling loss is just not talked about enough. So there's sibling loss not talked about enough. But then once we start, if we go through it, we have sibling loss and it happens that tragic. But then when we pull back the veil or pull back the onion peel of it, we start to realize there's these sub genres of sibling loss which are extremely difficult, like linda has pulled back and seen as a therapist herself and she's in multi-loss and she's an only, she's an only sibling left. And so there's these, these sub genres underneath it all. And then what? So we are the forgotten mourners, so to speak, and kind of these neglected mourners again, so to speak, and kind of these neglected mourners again, so to speak, as siblings. And then there are sub-genres underneath that that are even more neglected. Which is kind of a powerful thing to think about and digest as we continue down this journey of grief together, continue down this journey of grief together. And it's quite powerful and I think that's why it's so important that we tell all of these different types of stories and that's why Linda's episode is very powerful. Make sure you check it out. 

17:37
Angie then joins us on her episode and Angie's episode is one that I felt so compelled to tell because of my time on good old TikTok that I know has caused so much controversy in the political world out here. But, believe it or not, I have so many people on TikTok. The top losses that I hear about on TikTok are obviously addiction, obviously suicide, obviously homicide, but but coming in behind that are vehicular, like homicide, vehicular accidents, motorcycle accidents, cancers are up there. The brain cancer was really up there and I was shocked by this because I really didn't know much about, really didn't know much. But brain cancer was really up there and I was shocked by this because I really didn't know much about, really didn't know much about brain cancer. So Angie had come forward and wanted to share this story and was advocating doing a lot in this space. 

18:37
So if this is something that has affected you or you want to learn more about this, please check this episode out. It is quite fascinating and also she the episode I think is powerful just in general because she is a multi loss person as well, not in sibling loss, but in life, if she's a widow and she's lost multiple family members and she gives such a story of hope because she has remarried and like it's been quite an evolution for her and she's done some really beautiful things. She's created cards in honor of her brother and her late husband. Um, I felt so hopeful leaving this conversation with Angie and I'm. This is why I really love doing the recap episode, because I love to tell you guys kind of like the inside story of like how I left feeling after these interviews and that's how I felt with Angie. It was really, really interesting. 

19:42
But that was why I was kind of looking for that particular story and that particular type of loss. And that's why I ask you guys like, hey, what type of losses have we not covered and what would you like to hear more about? Because I want I mean, there's so many we could talk about, but I want to make sure that we cover them and that's why we're going to keep going with these seasons. So next we had on another again, I always say we have an another incredible sibling cause. We do. We have Taylor, and Taylor tells us the story of her brother, who and I want to tell something kind of. I know it's a tragedy, but I want to tell something kind of cool about Taylor's episode little behind the scenes Maybe I should start calling this recap behind the scenes. 

20:37
But Taylor lost her brother in a very, very tragic way, very tragic way, and this episode was her brother struggled with Blake, struggled with a lot of mental health, and I connected with her in so many ways, and that's that's one of the reasons I love doing and I it's an unexpected present in doing this show, in doing this support group, in doing this work that I just had no idea was in store for me. Two years ago when I started this, I had no idea I would just connect so deeply with all of you. But my brother struggled too. My brother struggled so deeply with his mental health. My brother struggled too. My brother struggled so deeply with his mental health, and sometimes it's almost like I'm looking at myself in some ways and then we're understanding each other. It's so deep and I'm sure you guys feel like that too when you're listening to some of these stories, and so I totally get it. That's why it's so important to me that there's representation for all of you in these stories but Taylor lost her brother, blake, to his mental like. 

21:53
I like to say that she lost him too, and I think she does as well to his mental illness and, you know, ultimately by suicide and there were. So it's a very intense episode, very, very intense episode. But I identify with her so much because I've shared in recaps before I didn't share in in the first season because it wasn't really relevant that my brother had attempted before and I think I just connected with her on this and those who have shared their suicide stories. Like I got it I really did because my brother struggled too and that she was so just brave. And I love the authenticity in this episode because I also really connected with the resistance that Blake had to kind of seek help but also he wanted to still have this loving relationship with her and I just loved how open she was about the good, the struggle, like she reminded me so much of myself and I just think there was, there was so much beauty in this episode and I think that there's. I think anybody who's struggling with bipolar or any mental health issues or is is loving someone through it and might have, may have to love them from afar is really going to connect with Taylor's episodes. So, again, huge shout out to Taylor for just being so open with that Cause. 

23:39
It's not, it's not easy. It's not easy. I recently had a conversation with my father, which, again, I'm going to get into that. I know a lot of you have been asking me and asking me and asking me what was the trip like to Africa, what has your evolution been like lately? Because I give you these six-month updates on these recaps and I promise you I'm going to spill the tea, I'm going to spill it all, I'm going to tell you everything, but I everything. But I recently had a conversation with my dad, um, after the summit, and he has taken interest lately in in the work that I'm doing. I'm gonna tell you all about it. 

24:13
Spill the tea, but we talked about the power and the beauty in the fact that, yes, our like my brother, just like Taylor, just like all these other incredible people that have come on the show, our loved one, our sibling that we talk about on this show, they have passed and, regardless of how they have passed, they are human Right. None of them are saints, none of them are perfect. Every single person who has died, who had every single sibling that has come on this show, who has had a sibling that has died. Every single sibling that they talk about is not perfect, and the beauty of the people that come on the show is the rawness and the openness and being able to share about the good, the bad, everything. And it doesn't mean any anything negative that we're sharing the good and the bad, it's. It's the fact that we're not glorifying something. I think what's so important is that we are honest. We need to be honest. These people are human. It's an honoring that we do for people when we're honest about who they were to be like. 

26:02
Maya was great at this and Maya was super. Type A. Maya was super this. I would be laughing up from wherever we go after we pass away. I would want that and I wouldn't want someone to glorify me and make me out to be this perfect saint, because that's not who I am. We're human. 

26:14
We make mistakes, and I think that's where sometimes we go wrong with it. Can't talk about the fact that our sibling makes mistakes or maybe went about things the wrong way, or maybe struggled with addiction, or maybe struggled with some choices they made in their life, or I mean that's where all these taboo things come into play. Like it's it's. It's okay, it's okay to talk about the mistakes, it's okay to say all of that. I think it's. I think that's what's so important and that's what I love about bringing all of you guys onto the show that are ready to share and creating. This is like we can hold space for both things at the same time. I can tell you that, like, my brother was an amazing artist, he was an amazing person, he loved so hard, but he also really struggled with drugs and alcohol. He hung up with the wrong people, he made some really stupid decisions and all of that. But to meet all in the middle, it doesn't mean that he deserved to be killed. And like, all of these things can be true at the same time. 

27:35
And what I love about all of you guys that come on the show is that I think we're telling all these different stories and they all have these themes that come together to show all of this right. Like, just because somebody you know went through this and they were struggling with mental health doesn't mean that they didn't love me and cared about me. And, you know, just because they died by suicide doesn't mean that all of these things weren't true. Like. This is the beauty of the community and all of the things that are, that are here, and it's really important that we tell these stories and that we make all of this true to help you on your healing journey and move forward. So just wanted to go on that little rant for a second for you guys. You guys know I love my rant. 

28:24
And then we had a totally different type of loss, which is what is super important, right? So we had Samantha share about anticipatory loss. So this is a type of loss as a lot of you guys have heard me talk about. I connect, or I will say I have connected out there that lost like in in my early phase, like now, it's just like all sibs, like I just get you, like we're, just like we're here, I get you. If you're listening on audio only, I'm like, I'm like I get you, I get you, I die. But if you're watching, like you, you get my emotions. But um, but sudden loss, like it was like an instant thing for me always. 

29:16
But you know, I wanted to learn more about anticipatory. I really did, and I have over the past um two years, but anticipatory was not something I knew right away because it was just not something I had really experienced. But creating our support group and creating our Facebook group and creating different things and doing the show, I've learned more and more about it and so I've done more and more episodes about it. In this particular episode with Samantha, we talk about this and she lost her brother to cancer, and so we dive really deep into into the, obviously, her story. But we dive deep into what does anticipatory grief look like, and so I think that for me, I've just grown so like I've just grown such a deep appreciation for anticipatory grief and I'm so into protecting all of you guys who have gone through this type of loss too and, like a lot of you that are that know me and again, are in in groups or listen to the show or just anything that you're part of, know that I'm so protective of this and I want to talk about this for just a moment, even though we're in the recap. 

30:37
I do want to touch on this because I used to kind of feel like some of you, you guys out there, with with the sudden loss and be like cause, I see comments sometimes, right, I see comments where people are like it's so much worse to not know what's going to happen. I see it out there, I do, and I'm not going to lie. When I first heard like when I first, you know, had my brother, I got the call and my brother had been shot and he's 27 years old, and like I mean brother, I got the call and my brother had been shot and he's 27 years old, and like I mean, guys, I get it Right. I get it. Seven years into this, much further down the pike, doing a lot of work, around a lot of people hanging out with a lot of siblings learning all this, my perspective has changed and let me explain this to you. It's not a comparison thing. It's not this is worse, that is worse. 

31:41
Our timelines in grief and our shifting of things is different. Okay, so it's not that one thing is worse than the other. It's that our timeline for grief is perhaps different. Other, it's that our timeline for grief is perhaps different. You have to understand that anticipatory grief is a little bit different and perhaps we phrase it differently. It's your own journey and that's why I really love this episode and like other episodes we've done on cancer. Again we have another episode on brain cancer, but think about it like this, and I would encourage you to do this, especially if you're going to be a part of, like our private you know group, or like in our Facebook group, or anything like that. 

32:24
Just bear in mind, like I'm very protective about this kind of stuff. I'm someone who got a call, and my life was changed forever, so if I can feel this way, I know you can too. They get a call too. They get a call too, and when I say they get a call, I'm talking about anticipatory grief people, the ones that are like this particular episode, like Samantha and some of the folks that are in my private you know group that we meet every month. Or those of you in my Facebook like wherever I meet you TikTok, wherever I meet you guys, we all get a call. The most, you guys all listened to my first episode. Guys love that episode. I had no idea that was gonna be the episode that you guys all hung on to, but it's called the call. Everyone's into that episode. Why, though? I know why. Now we all know the call, we all get a call. It's just different. 

33:28
What's different for anticipatory versus sun in is that's sudden. For you guys, though, that changes your life. So let me give an example. So when an anticipatory person gets the call, you're getting a call saying hi, you have cancer, you have six months to live and you may have a year. You may have three months, you may I mean again, I'm making this up right, that's how that works. When the sudden loss people get a call, we get a call saying, hi, your person has died, or hi, like me, your person has been shot. They're in the hospital. Like do you want them on life support or not? Like again, I'm abbreviating the situation. So the difference is I know I'm I go into shock. 

34:22
With that sudden situation, with the anticipatory situation, you guys start grieving right away as well, as the only thing that's happening is like you get to continue to see your person, it's just prolonged. There's a different grief timeline. There's different things that come into play. It's not that one is better than the other, it's just different. It's just different. 

34:52
I've had both types of losses, and it's interesting once you start to have the different types of losses where you're just like I've had people ask me too they're like which one would you rather have had? And I honestly can't answer that question. I honestly don't know, because of the fact that my brother struggled with addiction, because of all of those things. I honestly do not know. I think it depends on the day of the week, I think it depends on what I'm going through. I think it depends on how overworked I am, how tired I am, where I am, with my relationship with certain people in the family, things like that. Sometimes I'm like, hmm, maybe this was better this way, this and that, not that I want wanted my brother to die this way. You get where I'm going, but I just want people to understand that we're all in pain. 

35:44
It's just that that call can mean different things. That call can mean that you're about to anticipate. There's the reason it's called anticipatory. You're about to anticipate a lot of stuff and you're going to see a lot of stuff. The sudden means that you're about to be in shock and a lot of things. And I'm really simplifying it for the sake of this episode, um, because it's a recap episode, but it was an important one and that's why we wanted to talk about that. So sudden loss to a motorcycle accident was our next episode which we had Chelsea on and Chelsea. This episode was another multifamily loss she lost her sister and her dad was another multi-family loss. She lost her sister and her dad. And another episode I felt like I really needed to do this season because the amount of people that I have on TikTok that come on and tell me that they've lost someone to a motorcycle accident. 

36:45
I swear I used to ride motorcycles Fun fact about me fun or not, I'm not sure. Um, fun or not. Uh, I used to ride motorcycles a lot. Um, that was like a big pastime of mine in my early 20s. Um, something I've I've done in my life. Uh, I don't know if I'll ever get on one ever again, especially after doing all of this work, uh, in this space, but it we did an episode in season two with margaret rice about this. We'll definitely do another one because it's just something that needs to be talked about continuously and I'm not telling you guys never to get on a motorcycle ever, like that's not my place, um, to say that, but it's definitely scared me straight. 

37:34
I I've been in two severe car accidents in the past. What I was in one in 2023, not at fault, of course. I don't know why I say of course, like I mean, stuff happens right in life, but that was on March 9th, which is a date in my family's life, but anyway, um and then um hit head on by a driver and exasperated all these injuries that I had. And then I was hit on the day of my sister's graduation in 2018. And, like that, forever changed my body, and those were car accidents, and so motorcycle accidents are extremely, extremely brutal too, so it's like those are life-threatening, as we can see. So Chelsea's episode it's, it's so intense. She's such a beautiful soul. 

38:31
All of you guys are that come on the show, but chelsea lost not only her sister, but her dad, and these were, like her, really her go-to people in her life. And I just connect so much to this and I just think that it's just one you got to listen to Because, again, I felt like we had to talk about it again. It's you know, it's like I've done multiple addiction episodes. We're going to talk about that again as well, because these are things that we need to keep talking about because they're epidemics, and I feel like I'm not again, I'm not telling you never get on a motorcycle, but I am telling you that if you're going to do these things, be very, very cautious. We are ending the season with another incredible guest. Her name is Julia and she lost her sister to addiction. So we are ending with addiction again. 

39:40
I felt so strongly about talking about addiction this season. I think a lot of it has to do with my brother's own addiction. There were just so many, like I told you, the volume of episodes that came through and applications that came through um were just so strong this this season. Um and just stories that I felt needed to be told based on what you guys wanted. Um and Julia's is really good. It's a good sister story. 

40:12
I feel like in past seasons we didn't have enough like strong sister stories. We had some really good ones, like, of course, you guys that came to the summit, which we're going to talk about in a second. Like we had like Judy and like some really great sister stories. But like we have some really good sister stories this season. So, to kind of wrap it all up, we had really good sister stories this season. So, to kind of wrap it all up, we had some great sister stories this season. We had some good unique losses that we hadn't talked about before, like talking about losing to fire, domestic violence, um, brain cancer, like things we hadn't necessarily touched on before. But of course we're talking about addiction and things that we had, but with some twists, and we had some heavy, heavy things and we talked more about sister stories, which is why I made the choices I did. 

40:58
This is the first season we have not had a brother tell his story, so the reason for that is because I didn't have a guy, a fly, that was eligible to tell his story. So we are really strict about parameters on telling your story. If you're not ready to tell your story, you're not going to be on the show. You have to really be ready to tell your story. And pretty inspirational, and I was bummed out about that because I like a guy's perspective and I really really like to at least have one guy per season. But I just felt like all of these stories were so much stronger and, um, that's just kind of where we were. So next season we're going to make up for it and that's kind of what I'm sticking to it and that's kind of what I'm sticking to. Um, that that's how I feel, but I'm overall I just felt like the season turned out really beautiful and I appreciate you guys listening. We continue to just um, reach more and more siblings, which is the goal, and I didn't even realize that was going to be the goal and realized that was going to be something that we were going to do. But I feel passionately about it and thank you for listening and let's kind of let's talk about some of the things that's that have gone on. So let's talk about the evolution of the summit, let's talk about where I'm at, because that's what we do on the recap. 

42:32
So last year, in 2023, I, you guys, know Susan Casey at this point she's been on the show before. She does her own grief work. She has her own grief podcast, kind of a little bit of a different theme. She's more in the spiritual realm but she's also a therapist, but she's also more generalized grief. But she lost her brother, rocky and has a beautiful book. If you haven't read it, you should definitely check it out. Her and I became friends and both been on each other's podcast. Check out her episode, both been on each other's podcast, check out her episode. 

43:11
And she came to me and said why and I kind of knew what she was going to say she's like why haven't you? And I'm like, done an event? And I'm like she's like yeah, that's crazy. You've been doing events at the time for 14 years now, for almost 15. And I'm like, yes, I totally get it. I totally get where you're coming from. 

43:32
And this was kind of me coming off of speaking at Compassionate Friends last year, bereaved Parents USA last year, and had great experiences at both events. They're both wonderful events. I would recommend you attending both and happy to give you recommendations if you're trying to choose between the two. Like is better suited for you. They're both great events, both wonderful people. And but she, but neither one is sibling only. I will just be transparent neither one is sibling only. Right, they are completely well, I wouldn't say completely parent focused, but they, they are more parent focused and then they have sibling components, um, which is fine. I, that's their mission and so. But I had a great experience at both and she had asked me. 

44:26
She was like well, have you ever thought about this? And I'm like, of course, like, that's who I am. I'm an entrepreneur, I'm a business person and I'm an event producer and I own my own event company. So, of course, the it jogged my mind while attending these events. Um, so we started talking and, long story short, we really wanted to bring something to you guys at multiple things, an affordable rate, something that was accessible to everyone, something that you could rewatch, because nothing sucks more just to put it out there than going to an event and you're like, oh my God, there's like four sessions going on right now, but I really want to go to like two or three of them and you can't so like being in this field for so long, I knew that, and so that's where the kind of the very short version, all of this was born, and I wanted to pick the platform that I love and I always recommend and not every client of mine picks this platform that I always recommend because it's not the most inexpensive but it's not the most expensive either, but it's the one I like the best and I'm so glad that you guys seem to enjoy it, to kind of jump ahead. And that's how the Surviving Sibling Summit was born Just these conversations and us having conversations with partners that have been on both of our podcasts a lot on mine, because her podcast is more grief, mine is more sibling and also having conversations with people that could partner in the future, and so I want to thank the organizations that came forward and again were partners to us in our inaugural year, and we are going to do it again. 

46:26
It will happen again next year. It's only going to grow. So if you guys missed it, do not worry, it will happen again. We're going to do some smaller events leading up to it. Thank you for the positive feedback, but any feedback is always welcomed. But yeah, it's that's kind of how it was born. 

46:47
But I also just felt like, even though I enjoyed the events that I went to, like I wanted to make sure that I created something for you guys that was for us, like really, really for us, because I don't mind attending something where, like, we're just a part of it, but like I think it's important that every year we feel like we have something that's just for us. So that's what I'm trying to do every year. So that's kind of the birth of the Surviving Sibling Summit. So it's here to stay. It was a success and you guys are a big, big reason for that. So that's where it was born from. 

47:25
So you'll be seeing, if you're a part of my mailing list, if you attended the event, if you're in our Facebook group, if you're following us in any capacity, you'll start to see surveys come out about ways we're going to not go crazy in changing it, but evolve it a little bit. So make sure you vote, make sure you help give feedback, because I'm not someone that just wants to do a rinse and repeat. I want to keep improving and keep evolving something like that. So stay in touch, stay tuned. But it's happening again next year. So get excited, because if you liked the first year, just wait. It's going to get even better, um, and even more exciting. 

48:15
So that's where the surviving swimming summit came from and the evolution. So we're going to keep moving forward on that. Um. So what's next? Where are we going? Um, there will be a season six of, of course. 

48:30
Like I cannot. I cannot believe this is where we are. I am someone who just told my brother's story. Just love my brother. This was a love letter to him. This is where I get emotional. As you know, I'm not a crier, but here we go. This is where I get into the heart and soul of it. Um, just told the love letter to him. I wanted to tell his story and so many of you, I think, want to do the same thing for your siblings, and I know that, and so we're gonna keep going. 

49:11
So we've got season six up next and it will come out in the fall. We're going to keep the same thing spring and fall. It works really well. And we're going to pick you know same thing. We'll do 10 incredible stories and we'll keep going with it and we'll keep. We'll keep producing this incredible show and we'll keep doing our incredible support group. We'll keep doing our. Again, if you guys need additional support, join our support group, join our Facebook group. The link is in our comments, like our our section below, where you can join, and you can always email me. All that information is in the comments below. These are all resources that I've created because I realized that there's so many of us out there that really need the support. 

50:06
So where am I in this journey? That's next the next season, but how did I get here? So last year was an incredibly interesting year for me. I went through a lot. I am still kind of navigating how to how to share quite a bit of it. I have shared. I shared quite a bit on the recap last season about my personal life and some of the things I about it, but I share a lot more on this podcast than I do perhaps on my public Instagram and places like that, because I'm still trying to navigate. I'm a very public person and things that I share, just because I kind of got thrust into that world in a lot of ways. If you guys have listened to my full story, you know why it kind of just happened that way. 

51:19
But I went through a chemical miscarriage almost over a year ago a year and like three months ago from this recording time and it was extremely difficult. And then I went through IVF and like lost that cycle. It was like two cycles I went and lost it and that last year was an extremely devastating year for so many reasons. But it was devastating on my body and was a lot of loss. And it might seem weird to be talking about that on a recap on a sibling loss podcast, but I want to always be open and vulnerable with you guys and talk about these things because it's loss and oftentimes you guys will see in this group people will compare things. They'll be like child loss is so much worse or this is so much worse than that. And, like I will tell you, last year was devastating for me. It was a very hard year, um, cause. I went through that and like, still traveled and spoke and did these conferences and then went through this IVF loss and it was, it was hard, it was brutal, it was brutal and I haven't really talked about it super openly and I'm like working up to talking about it more openly and openly, um, but I'm also that person that's like not not talking about it, it's just, I'm talking about it. 

52:52
Um, because the difference with this type of loss I'm finding is like there's another person involved in it. You know, there's a partner involved in it, the person that I've been married to, that I, as I shared in my last recap got divorced from and yet we're still involved with each other because we're, you know, we've sold our home now, yet we're still trying to figure out our relationship. We're friends, but you know we have a business together. So it's very, it's very complicated, it's very complicated, it's complicated. So, even though it's my body and the things that have happened to me, there's a loss on both sides and that's different, that's very different. And with sibling loss, there's a loss for all of these people as well. But like, I feel like I could just like own the loss and not talk about like I don't know how to change that. It's very interesting because it's been an evolution for me, because I'm like and it's also brought up all of the loss of my brother again too. 

54:16
2023 was the hardest year since my brother passed away and it feels so good to tell you guys that so good, and that's why one of the many reasons I went to Africa to visit my dad. So I had not seen my dad since my brother was murdered, and those of you who have listened to season one, if you want to know it all, check it out. But it was really eerie because I this is crazy I did not plan this this way, but I knew it was time to see my dad because of how I've shared on other recaps with you guys Like the relationship with my dad had been building in a really positive way. Dad had been building in a really positive way and I knew, going through just everything I was going through with my husband now ex-husband, now he's my really good friend Like this is where we're at in our relationship. Not sure where it's going to go, but this is where we are. I just knew it was time to see my dad. And then also going through the chemical miscarriage, the multiple IVF, like failures, like it was. It was just, it was a lot. Last year it was a lot. 

55:45
Um wanted to see my dad. Like I don't think he really even knew a hundred percent what was going on. I couldn't even really articulate all of it to him. It was time to see him and so I went the day I got off the plane in Africa. So my father lives in Mozambique, which is a beautiful country, and I'd never really realized that. But the day I got off the plane, it was exactly the same day, the last day I saw him, that many years ago, which is really trippy, really weird. It was exactly the same day that I saw him in 2016. And I remember laying in bed. 

56:40
So I got there. It's a very long trip. It's like almost 24 hours to get there, cause you have to like take a flight flight to Johannesburg or Cape town. I flew into Johannesburg and when I flew back, I went through Cape Town, which I'll tell you about that in a second, if you guys care to know, because it was a really cool trip. But I flew there and I flew up to Maputo and I got off the plane and I saw him. I saw my dad waiting for me and it was so emotional. It was so emotional, but I remember going back, so my dad gets me and they lost some of my luggage. Of course, welcome to going to Africa. 

57:23
So I hadn't expected that and that happens when I travel to, like, other countries, which I'm sure a lot of you are familiar with. That happens, but I was so tired I really didn't even care and I don't really bring crazy expensive stuff when I travel to places like that anyway, but my dad was like very emotional. He was crying. I was very emotional too and we went back to his place and we like stayed up for a long time talking and it was just, it just felt right, like it felt right for me to be there. It was a very emotional experience and I went into his guest room and one of the first things that I saw was my brother's belt. I saw my brother's belt on my dad's wall and it was this belt that my brother used to wear all the time and it was a sign. Like you believe in signs or you don't, but it was a sign and I knew that I was supposed to be there. I knew I was supposed to be on that trip. 

58:39
And I didn't really say anything at first to my dad, like because the next day we ended up I was exhausted, but like I also couldn't sleep. So like the next day we went and got my luggage and like everything was fine with the luggage, it was okay. But the next day I mentioned it to him and he was like, yeah, your brother left it here and we had these kind of funny stories about my brother. But I mentioned it and he's like, yeah, I didn't really want to say anything to you about it. And I was like, no, it's okay, it's okay and I actually, if you guys follow me on Instagram, I posted a story about it and it's interesting because I had this kind of internal tug of war while I was there. Do I take the belt, do I leave it? Because I knew my dad didn't have this like can, like I don't want to say connection. I'm like he doesn't have the same need to hold on to physical things that I do. I do. I have a need to hold on to certain physical things and it's because I was never given as many physical items as some of my other, like siblings. So like I needed it, but like I, I didn't end up spoiler alert to the story. I did not end up taking the belt, I left it because I know that I'm going to go back there, because the trip just went that that well. 

01:00:03
But the trip was not all like coming up roses. So my dad has, he lives in uh, so he has a home in Maputo, but he most of his time is spent up in this like like many, many hours north, like on the beach, and so we went up there and spent most of our time, which, again, if you guys follow me on my social media accounts, you can see I didn't post a whole lot during that time because I was really trying to unplug, really trying to recover from a lot of the personal things that I went through, both like physically, from the loss of, you know, not only my relationship that you know has been difficult for me, but you know, the loss that I went through last year and the IVF, and like just just the real hardship that I went through last year. I needed to reset, um, I needed to really reset, and then also just the healing that I wanted to have with my dad, because we've been having such a great relationship, the good and the bad, just you know and also realizing, holy crap, like I literally touched down on December. What was it? December 7th, which was literally to the day um seven years since I had seen such thing? I I don't believe in that, it's too weird, but when we went up to the beach and where he, like, spends a lot of his time and where he'll end up like fully retiring, um, not everything was perfect. There was a lot of things we had to spend some time like talking about and hashing out, and some of those things are like super, you know, personal and like family things. But I will say one of the things that are I mean, I've always been super open and vulnerable with you guys about the journey of all of this, and that's what I will share on this show, of course is that my dad still did not know everything that I've shared on this show. He did not know that my brother, like he did not know about, like the good detective that I share with you guys. He did not know. 

01:02:36
You know that one of the big reasons that I was speaking to him and that I was able to like cultivate a relationship with him and move forward with him was because I knew that he was the one calling the detectives and nobody else was. He didn't know any of that and so him and I every day walked on the beach together and it was so healing and I told him all of this stuff and we just walked on the beach and like, and we cried, like, not like sobbing, but it was just like. It was very emotional, very healing. And you know, I told him I think I told him the first night I was like you need to know this, you need to know that the reason I'm here is because I know that you were the other person calling. I know, I know that you were and he told me that he wanted to know everything. And I told him that we would talk about it at the beach. And we did and, of course, leave it to a dad, leave it to a dad. 

01:03:44
It was like the one day I didn't feel up to it, I was tired, tmi, but it was like I was PMS, I was about to get my period and I like kind of dozed off one day. And of course, that was the day when, like, we did our night walk together and he was like, okay, I'm ready. He was like I want to know everything. I'm like dad really. But of course I like I was like give me a minute, so like obliged, and I told him everything. I told him everything from the show. I told him everything, and when show, I mean like what I've shared with you guys and even went deeper with names and things like I can't share here, like everything. Of course he deserves to know he's, he's his father, he deserves to know more than I do. And I remember him stopping on the beach and looking at me and he's like I knew. He looked at me and he said I knew, he's like I knew, he's like I knew, I knew, I knew. And I said dad, I know, I knew too. I said that's why you and I were the ones calling. I knew. And I said that's why I was. I called you and I said that's why I was messaging you. 

01:05:00
And then, after kind of all that conversation, you know, we walked back kind of dissipated and then we walked back and we were sitting on his porch that night with a lot of really intense conversations and I not every conversation was perfect. There were a lot of hard conversations and to have hard conversations like that, you are on another continent, like there's no escape, like I can't just like take an Uber, like I can't just take a plane, like there's nowhere to go. If I get upset, I mean what, am I riding a slug out of there? No, I'm stuck there, but I wanted to do it. It was a very healing experience and that night I remember asking him I said, dad, you know, had I not had this conversation with you or had I not approached you, like would you have reached out to me? And he had told me. He told me yes, and that was super healing. So many things that like I didn't know could be healed, got healed. 

01:06:24
And when I asked him another question, I asked him like what? I asked him a couple other questions about you know, certain you know, if I had, if we hadn't talked about this or that, just certain things. And he said no, and then I got upset. But we, but we were able to hash those things out and that was kind of the importance. And I also needed to remember too that my dad's first language is not English, so, like being in person was like really important about all of this and it turned out through all of this he really deserved to hear the side of all of this and like the side of the story, and I think what was so shocking for me is I didn't realize that he still thought that my brother's death was an accident. I couldn't believe that he still was living under the belief of the first detective that had just kind of wiped everything aside and had you know, if you've listened to season one and just kind of ignored us and stopped answering our calls and that's not what happened at all. And so for him to get again I don't really believe in closure but for him to get the answers that he needed that we talk about all the time, I felt like it was worth every minute of the visit, every moment that maybe him and I disagreed about something, or every moment him and I, you know, maybe had not gotten along in the past. It was worth it because he's, you know, my brother's dad too. 

01:08:08
And it was such a spiritual trip for me because my brother had been on that ocean, my brother had walked that ocean, my brother had been there before and I met a lot of people that had met my brother and they had a lot of crazy stories about my brother and we could just kind of. It was sad because they were all sad and mourning my brother, but it was also happy because they could also tell these stories about my brother too and there were memories about him and it was like there was a part of him that was still alive there and my dad had these pictures up around his house about my brother and it was just, it was like he was alive there. So it was sad, but it was like he was alive there. So it was sad, but it was like he was alive there. And it was the first time that I had felt that in so long, because I don't feel like anybody else in my family right now has. I felt like I wasn't expecting to be able to give my dad a kind of gift and I wasn't expecting my dad to embrace the work that I'm doing here on this show. Because at first, when I told him about all this, when I arrived and he started to understand it, he thought that I was stuck in my grief and there was this very interesting thing that happened because when we went up to the beach prior to him and I having the talk on the beach about everything that was happening, and like how Andreas actually died and like the detective and all of that, we went over to visit. 

01:10:03
We went on many visits with, like different neighbors and stuff. Even though he's quite reclusive, where you are there's you have neighbors. There was a particular neighbor and we went over to go see and she was asking questions. She was over to go see and she was asking questions. She was closer to my age but she was asking questions. She's married to a guy there and they have kids and so we were kind of just chatting. She's asking questions about like how many of us there are, things like that, and I talk so openly. I'm like there's four of us and talk openly about my brother. And she said, oh my God, I'm so sorry. She's like I relate, her brother died by suicide and so my dad got uncomfortable because he was still trying to navigate the situation himself personally and I was explaining to her like what I do with this podcast and what I do with you guys and like how we talk about it and how it's an open thing, right, and how we support each other, and my dad was like huh, he was kind of expressing his concerns or very early on the trip Remember I was there for three, almost four weeks and she said no. 

01:11:11
She looked at my dad and she was like no, she's like, you don't understand, she goes, she's good, she's good, she's, she's good. And I was like what, where are we going with this? She goes, you don't understand, she goes, she's okay. She was like this is the. She was like it's the worst thing that ever happened to me. She's talking about her loss. She's the worst thing that ever happened to me. She goes, I'll never get over it. She goes, but I me, she goes, I'll never get over it. She goes, but I'm okay. She goes, but I'll never get over it. She goes. I love my brother. She goes, what she's doing, she's talking about me to my dad. She goes, what she's doing is incredible. And I was like so honored by that because she didn't know me and I was just like she goes, that's, it's healthy. What she's doing, she's okay, talking to my dad. 

01:11:57
And I felt like a shift with my dad at that point, because she was then explaining to my dad like what the significance is and like where she felt like I was with everything and why I needed to do this and what the connection between a brother and a sister can be, and I felt the shift. And then my dad was interesting, because then my dad asked for my grief guide, like he wanted to see it, so I signed a copy and gave it to him and then things kind of shifted. And we've had, you know, ever since I left Africa, um, we've talked every week, because people always ask well, yeah, but what's happened since? I'm like we talked every week, if not more, um, and it's really crazy because, like he came to the, my dad actually watched the summit. I didn't know that, um, and so did one of my uh siblings as well, but I try to respect their privacy, so I don't talk about that openly. But my dad is a little bit of a different story because he doesn't listen to the show, um, and he was really, really proud of my talk and um, so it's an evolution, you know, and I want to respect everybody and their privacy and how they feel about things and, um, I've always tried to do that and I don't think everybody is always agreed with me on everything that I've done here and with this mission. But at the end of the day, it's not really about them, it's about supporting all of you and it's about supporting this mission, and the number one person in all of this is really my brother. It's really about him, and the best feedback I think that I got from my dad was that he said that what he likes the best about my talks is that I I alluded to this earlier, talked a little bit about this earlier in this episode is that he says that I don't make Andreas out to be this perfect person. 

01:13:59
I talk very honestly about who he was and I speak about him in present tense sometimes. So, who he is, he's no angel. He made a lot of mistakes, um, but it doesn't mean what happened to him was deserved, and I want to bring that truth to everybody and I hope that comes through and everything that I talk about and I hope that inspires that same kind of light in all of you and, however, you want to talk about your siblings. So, um, I'm just glad that he got to see that in the way that he was comfortable. So it was one of the most, if not the most, amazing trip I've ever been on, because not necessarily because of where I went, even though it was incredible and I will definitely go back and I hope that more of my family members will come with me. 

01:14:52
Most of you know I'm a travel bug, so I've traveled so much of my life, but it was just so healing and exactly what I needed after going through more loss in my life and knowing that there are some things that I may never get to experience in my life because of what happened last year. But it's just, it was positive because I feel like I was able to heal parts of you know, the relationship with my dad. That's wherever things need to go, or for some reason, I never got to see my dad ever again. It's all positive and I'm in a good place and that's so healthy and it's a good thing. And also I'm blown away that he was living without those answers and that would drive me crazy. So I'm glad I was able to give him those answers, just like I've been able to give some of my other family members the answers that they need. And if anyone else were to need those, like I'm here but he was so far away. So, yeah, that's that's where I'm at. 

01:16:06
Guys, that's the recap. It's been a lot so and I'm sure it's going to be a lot next time. And we've had the summit, which was great, and I loved doing the summit for you guys. A lot of you know I've been doing events for 15 years, so again we'll have another one coming at you next year. We'll do kind of like another little bonus event coming into the holidays. So I'll pull you guys, ask you a lot of questions before we do that one. 

01:16:33
But if you need additional support, just click the link in the show notes or follow me on socials and you can click the link. But we have a private Facebook group. We have a monthly support group that you just pay a donation to be a part of. We also have our grief guide on Amazon. I offer a one-on-one peer support as well. So there's a lot of different things that we have happening. And if you're listening to this a little bit later on because, again, these episodes are always available later depending on when you're catching the show there may be additional resources available at that time because we're always evolving and growing. So thank you so much for listening to the show and supporting all of these incredible siblings that have been here. 

01:17:20
Really big um, my big trip in 2023 and reconnecting with my dad and um just a lot of healing that happened for me after so much not necessarily sibling loss, but just loss. 

01:17:42
That happened for me to potentially become a mom and I didn't and, um, you know that was that was a lot last year and evolving in my own personal relationship in my life and continuing to evolve with you guys, and I want to continue to be open, and that's kind of where I've always found my sweet spot is just be open and vulnerable and raw, and I appreciate the support from all of you and I'm really looking forward to doing another season. 

01:18:17
Here we are again and sharing more stories, and if there's a particular type of loss you want to hear about, let me know. And if you're listening to this later as we're evolving again, yeah, click, just visit our website thesurvivingsiblingscom, because we may have even more resources down the pike, but rightiblingscom, because we may have even more resources down the pike, but right now that's what we have. So I just want to let you guys know I'm sending you so much love, I'm so sorry for all of your losses, but just so you know you are not alone, even though it feels like it, and we hope to see you in one of our support resources. So thanks again for listening and we'll see you on our next episode. Thank you again, guys, for listening, and we just want to let you know that you are not alone and thank you for following me and all of the other siblings on this journey, and we want to let you know that there's lots of resources on our website that you can follow and, until next time, keep on surviving my surviving siblings.